Month: July 2019

In this post, I will share information about reaching out to the broader Christian community following revelation of an abuse cover up at another local church. I am going to do this by sharing some correspondences. Over the past year, various Southern Baptist Church(SBC) groups have asked for those impacted by abuse to reach out. I have, and I will share those responses.

To give some background of our family’s church abuse experience, see the post below.

https://janespeaksup.com/2019/03/11/cover-up-in-williamson-county-part-1/

Pastors and church leaders are quick to speak about abuse and injustices on a general level. However, it is clear that pastors and clergy are not usually the ones who bring misconduct to light publicly. Consider recent exposés on various church groups. Many of these cases were well known within the abuse advocacy communities for years. Yet, it was not until mainstream media brought cases to light that many clergy began to speak out about specific cases. I see and hear Christian leaders cheering on this work. Yet, this follows years of victims or their families being ignored, dismissed, and even vilified for working to draw attention to the abuses.   

I believe this is an important issue to explore as I have been seeking out a resolution to the systemic issues and injustices that led to our family’s horrific church cover up experiences. Because the injustices happened in the context of a church setting, I naturally reached out for help within the local Christian community. What are the ethical boundaries of advocacy for ministers? Beyond this, what level of advocacy are Christian leaders comfortable with? Do they only prefer to speak about issues generally and avoid advocacy for specific cases, at least publicly? What about cases of gross injustice? What about public safety issues? Can the local community rely on the broader Christian community to rise up to resolve abuse cover ups in other local churches? Is that even possible?

Could there be something more going on that prevents advocacy related to systemic issues within the community? As Christian leaders have responded to the abuse crisis, there has been this general call to recognize and lament failures of the past. What about recognizing and repenting over actual cases of abuse and cover up? What about calling out privately and if necessary, publicly, those who have abused, covered up, or have been complicit in such actions? It is almost as if the church wants to forge a new path forward without a full reckoning of actual abuse and cover ups from even the recent past.

Over the past several years, I feel like I have been flailing and floundering asking for help. It shouldn’t be this way. Ironically, I live in the “buckle of the Bible belt” and have found that advocacy for the vulnerable in the context of a Christian setting is highly controversial. It is as if loyalty to the reputation of individuals supersedes loyalty to the integrity of individuals, their offices, and institutions. These practices can make the vulnerable easy marks for predation within the community.

Some say that crimes are covered up to protect the witness of the church. It would harm the reputation of Jesus or people might be afraid to come to church. But, is that really the truth? Might it be that we are a greater witness when we own up to our faults and model repentance? I have heard it said that you cannot lead people where you are not willing to go. Could that not also apply in cases of the handling of abuses within Christian settings?

In reading through Psalm 51, which is David’s psalm of confession, I was struck by verses 12 and 13. Following his confession earlier in the psalm, he has gained the renewed relationship with God and the authority to lead others into a restored relationship with God.

Psalm 51:12,13 “Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me. Then I will teach transgressors your ways,so that sinners will turn back to you.”

I am going to share a letter that contains letters within in it. Not only have I written to specific SBC groups regarding our family’s abuse experiences, I reached out to some specific individuals. One of those individuals is Phillip Bethancourt. We live in the same community and our families have a specific community connection. Phillip has been publicly vocal on the issue of abuse through SBC initiatives and his role as Executive Vice President of the SBC entity Ethics and Religious Liberty Commission(ERLC).

https://erlc.com/resource-library/press-releases/southern-baptist-convention-president-announces-formation-of-sexual-abuse-presidential-study-group

Quoted from the article,

At the 2018 SBC Annual Meeting, messengers approved a resolution, “On Abuse,” which declared, “all abusive behavior as uniquely sinful,” and implored people “to act decisively on matters of abuse, to intervene on behalf of the abused, to ensure their safety, to report allegations of abuse to civil authorities according to the laws of their state and to pursue church discipline against impenitent abusers.” At the same meeting, two motions were referred to the ERLC—one motion from Oklahoma pastor Wade Burleson requesting the ERLC study expanded resources to help churches protect themselves from sexual predators, and the other motion from ERLC Executive Vice President Phillip Bethancourt requesting a task force for helping churches protect themselves from sexual predators.

I didn’t ask anything of Phillip in the letter. I just shared the information and let it speak for itself. Perhaps he or others might feel compelled to speak up and take action on behalf of the vulnerable in our community.

Letter to Phillip Bethancourt

Note: I am bolding certain lines for emphasis, though they were not bolded in the original letters.

Abuse Response and Institutional Betrayal — including case involving your pastor

On Mon, Jun 10, 2019 at 9:02 AM (Jane) wrote:

Dear Phillip,

I am thankful that the SBC is recognizing the prevelence of abuse in the church and working toward implementing prevention and response protocols. I am writing to share my prior letters to SBC groups regarding my experience with church abuse. They are included in this email below. The reason that I am writing you specifically is that we live in the same community (deleted information about specific community connection). I have not met you personally through this community connection, but I have met your wife and your mother-in-law. I met your mother-in-law (deleted information about specific community connection — mention of a specific time and place). It was interesting time-wise since as I had just written to the ERLC study group email a few weeks prior requesting to meet and share my abuse experiences. That same afternoon I received a polite decline to that request.

Another reason that I am interested in writing is that there was a financial misconduct incident in one of the churches I was a member, and your current pastor was involved with the handling of that misconduct. I have written about that on my blog that is linked in the letters below. To give a brief summary of events, an incident was reported to church leadership, the leadership began surveillance of the involved pastor’s financial transactions, the Senior Pastor confronted the offending pastor, and the offending pastor confessed. The Senior Pastor and offending pastor entered into a two-way confidentiality agreement. The offending pastor resigned during a service. Minimal information was offered to the church. I knew the offending pastor oversaw the benevolence fund as that is the fund gifts went to following my mother’s funeral. In addition, I found an email in which the offending pastor solicited donations from me for this fund. At no point was I notified nor was my family notified about the offending pastor’s activities even though we had contributed to this fund he oversaw. On top of all this, we were never informed of the issues that were being kept confidential on the Senior Pastor’s side of the confidentiality agreement.

Later that evening, we learned about the confidentiality agreement. Your pastor Jed Coppenger and another ordained lay leader Micah Carter (now pastoring a church) were involved as well. I approached Micah after the meeting, but my questions were met with silence. My husband and I later met with the Senior Pastor as we continued to be concerned with the lack of transparency. In addition, some things shared publicly versus what happened behind the scenes appeared different. We continued to be unsettled about the activities by leadership — including the funding and launch of the Redemption City Church plant that Jed Coppenger pastors. We ended up leaving after my father passed away.

I am specifically troubled by the use of confidentiality agreements in the handling of misconduct in church settings. Everyone involved with the confidentiality agreement were either pastors or church leaders. Each of these individuals also had obligations first to God and also to the church membership either as pastors or church leaders. In the church, I believe we all have various obligations and duties to each other just as we do as citizens within our community. However, I believe leaders have a greater duty of protection to the membership with the greatest duty of protection to the vulnerable. When the two pastors entered in this agreement with the support of the other church leaders, this priority was upended making it such they obligated themselves to protect the offending pastor. There were others like our family who quietly left. However, there were others who stayed and learned by example that this was the godly way to handle allegations of criminal misconduct. Secrecy often leads to more secrecy protecting evil and allowing it to grow. Transparency should be the standard in the handling of various types of abuses and misconduct. Church members and leaders should have some sort of mutual understanding and agreement how these things are handled. Confidentiality should be reserved to protect the vulnerable, not leaders and offenders.  

In this case, there was horrific cover-up of child sexual abuse. A family reported their three-year-old son was orally and anally raped by his teenage Sunday School teacher. A year later, pastors informed families in the teen’s three-year-old class that there was an incident of a sexual nature between two juveniles sometime in the prior ministry year and formal charges had been filed, Brentwood police were involved and told pastors not to tell families, and an officer said it was the safest place in Brentwood on Sunday mornings. They also said they would update us as the case progressed, which never happened. Several months later, a lawsuit was filed. We learned of our then-toddler son’s exposure to a convicted offender from this lawsuit — not from church, police, or DCS. While public statements gave other impressions, we learned behind closed doors that neither police nor church could provide us any assurance that our child was safe from harm while under the supervision of the convicted offender. Upon learning of the horrific allegations, we became concerned over some physical symptoms and other behaviors. We initiated medical, psychological, and developmental evaluations. We came to the place we believe our son was assaulted. After being denied a meeting with the elder board, we approached the church with attorneys, and settled alleging sexual assault in Williamson County Courts.

There were some striking similarities in the handling of the misconduct at both churches. That is one reason my memory was jarred concerning Clearview following the relevation of cover-up in Brentwood leading me to follow up up on the misconduct at Clearview over that year. Plus, I had no idea what the pastors were hiding. My eyes had been opened to the horrendous potential. So, I did my best to bring everything I could to the attention of the church and authorities. 

When we first heard the reports from the lawsuit, I contacted attorneys who were involved in the Clearview case, not really fully thinking about the cover-up there. It was helpful as one of the attorneys responded that what happened at Brentwood sounded like a cover-up, and he asked me if my son was okay. There were others who asked about my son as well. I knew we had been misled about the case. But, it was unthinkable that we could miss signs of such serious abuse. We were referred to another Christian attorney who works with churches. He felt it was important for our child to be evaluated for harm and believed many of the families were “in the dark” about the potential harm their children were exposed to. 

We had moved to yet another church. In the new church, the Senior Pastor’s wife came to a meeting with Brentwood pastors as a witness where we learned the pastors could provide no assurance our child was safe from harm.   We shared we felt deceived by the church based on our earlier meeting. We had felt assured that it was an isolated incident. My husband also confronted the pastors and told them twice that the statement to the church was misleading. They didn’t disagree, but said the statement was true technically.

We consulted with the Christian attorney until after the church denied our meeting with elders and medical tests were beginning to lead us to believe our son’s symptoms were from abuse. He also started working with a church in Franklin. It sounded like he didn’t want to take a potentially publicly antagonistic position against a church as he works with churches. It was disappointing as he knew the families were likely unaware of the risks their children were exposed to and believed they should all be evaluated for harm. It feels like many are willing to advocate for the care and protection of the vulnerable, but there is a limit. People are hesitant to get involved if that care and protection exposes a pastor or a church. 

After our meeting with the pastors in Brentwood, I met with the senior pastor’s wife(also a care pastor at the church) who came to our meeting as a witness a few times over a year. I sent her an email about my legislative advocacy work. I believe that parents and guardians of children exposed to an alleged offender need to be notified of allegations so that parents can provide appropriate care to their children. This is especially important in cases involving very young children or those with developmental disabilities — most of whom are unable to physically fend off an attack and lack the capacity to verbally disclose abuse. My child fit both criteria as he was two and a young three-year-old and had been certified speech and language impaired as a preschooler by the state of Tennessee. He should not have been expected to spontaneously disclose abuse in order to receive help and healing when there was known exposure to an individual alleged to have committed a violent sexual attack of another toddler classmate. Though she did not respond to the request to join my meeting with the Senator, she did affirm my advocacy letter. I eventually asked for some spiritual support and guidance processing our experiences at the two churches. I never received a response to that email. I had been meeting with a counselor at this time to help work through these traumatic experiences. I asked her if it was an appropriate request to ask for spiritual guidance from your church to help process throught abuse situations. She felt like it was appropriate. I was disappointed at the lack of response. 

Around a year ago, I began writing online about my experience with abuse and the church. Shortly after I started writing, I started getting messages from a former church member at Clearview — someone who is close friends with one of the leaders involved in the handling of financial misconduct. She expressed a desire that pastors would sue me, tried to out our names on social media, and said that people would line up and testify against us if our son’s case went to court. When misconduct is handled in a way that is protective of offenders, church members are conditioned to believe this is the right thing to do. Church members mimic the leadership. If the goal is to protect the offender, the future employment of staff, and the financial status of the church, then anyone who threatens that protection is punished. These types of attitudes can spread to other Christian settings threatening the protection of the vulnerable.

Churches are standard-bearers in the community. The past leadership at Clearview Baptist led the church through a course where alleged criminal misconduct was covered up and minimized and offenders were protected from legal consequences. The result of this response to alleged criminal misconduct leads church members to minimize the seriousness of criminal misconduct. I saw this personally in a church member who considered the offense of stealing as “no big deal”. I saw similar type of responses in the Brentwood case. No matter the seriousness of the situation, many people defer to the church and trust the leadership. There may be some whispers questioning the integrity of the situation, but it is frowned upon. Within the broader community, not only is stealing overlooked, but people excuse inaction in a very serious sexual abuse case involving the most vulnerable. At what point will this end?   

I read the Caring Well report. I am glad the report touched on institutional betrayal. That resonated with my family’s experiences. Minimization of offenses, cover-up conduct, and protection of offenders have been so commonplace within the church and other organizations as well. The standard has been to cover-up the offenses using spiritual language to give the impression that it was the godly approach. Not only does this allow these offenses to flourish, it has the opposite impact on those impacted by the misconduct and abuses.

I am reminded of the Keith Green song, “Asleep in the Light”. I feel like the responses that I have encountered in faith environments in our own community are described by the lines:

Oh, can’t you see such sin?!

’cause he brings people to your door,

And you turn them away

As you smile and say,

“god bless you!

Be at peace!”

And all heaven just weeps,

’cause Jesus came to your door,

You left him out on the streets

Regardless of what pastors and institutions intended for my family or other people who have walked similar paths to feel, being on the receiving end of this sort of treatment is devastating. I understand that churches need to steward finances. Observing actions that have been taken within the community, it looks like the care and protection of even the most vulnerable has been made subordinate to financial stewardship. 

Luke 16:14 “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.”

Sincerely,

(Jane)

 

(Jane)

Mon, Mar 4, 10:58 AM

to pastor, Jared

Dear Pastors Slade and Wellman,

Thank you for your willingness to listen to those impacted by abuse. I have been impacted by abuse in two church settings. The first was an SBC church, Clearview Baptist Church in Franklin, TN, where there was cover up of criminal financial misconduct. The Sr. Pastor at the time and the offending pastor entered into a two-way confidentiality agreement before disclosing the misconduct to the congregation. When it was disclosed, the offending pastor resigned and confessed to a series of unauthorized transactions over an undisclosed period of time on a fund separate from the budget. It was very unclear what he was actually confessing to. It was only over the course of several years that I came to understand that it was more serious than presented to the congregation and there were other things covered up.

https://janespeaksup.com/2018/06/22/handling-financial-misconduct-internally-in-an-sbc-church/

I understand that the SBC has emphasized concern about sexual oriented abuses. However, the handling of this situation essentially groomed the church in a distorted forgiveness theology. In addition, the practice has been such that the priority in the community is protective of the financial standing of the church and the ability of those employed by the church to continue to find employment, sometimes at the expense of the vulnerable. I will explain how these issues can impact responses to sexual abuse allegations later in my story.

The church that I went to right after that was a non-denominational church right down the road that is listed in the TGC directory of churches. This is the church where our family experienced a sexual abuse nightmare.

For more details, you can read over my blog

https://janespeaksup.com/2018/07/31/complacent-or-complicit/. 

In late 2015, I learned by way of a publicly filed lawsuit that my son, while he was two and three years old, was under the supervision of a convicted sexual offender who was accused of anally and orally raping a three-year-old male classmate. We were horrified at the revelation, especially since our son had physical signs and behaviors of abuse that at that time we had attributed to other causes. We only attended this church for two years. We were attending a church in Franklin called Church of the City(listed in the SBC directory) at the time of the press release for the lawsuit. We called the pastors to get some advice. We were directed to the Senior Pastor’s wife, who had experience with sexual abuse cases. She was concerned along with us. She came to a meeting to us where we learned that pastors could provide no assurance that our child was safe under the supervision of the convicted offender. This was contrary to publicly made statements. I also called a Brentwood police detective to report suspicions of abuse. He told me that he would not ask me my concerns or take down a report. He told that the onus of disclosure was on the church, and that some people are in denial that there are deviants.

We requested to meet with the church elder board, and they denied our request. After significant medical, psychological, and developmental evaluations, we approached the church with attorneys. We settled with the church alleging sexual assault in Williamson County Courts. During the process of settling with the church, we learned that they were deflecting responsibility for not disclosing harm to the police and DCS, as those agencies both gave the church directives to not inform the families regarding the very serious allegations of oral and anal rape against a very young child. In addition, they called the situation a “botched” DCS investigation. 

After we had been denied the opportunity to meet with the elder board, I called up the children’s minister at Clearview Baptist in Franklin, which is the church with the financial misconduct cover up. I thought he should become aware of how sexual misconduct incidents are being handled in church settings in our community. He had reached out to our family when we left the church, and I thought he might care. I shared that behind closed doors Brentwood pastors and police could provide no assurance that our child was unharmed. I also shared the symptoms that concerned us, and that we were pursuing evaluations. I think this pastor had a hard time taking all the information in. He asked me who we had been consulting with legally, and I passed along his information. He also inquired with some concern in his voice whether and if we would be pursuing any legal action and asked if I might have some forgiveness issues with the teen offender. He prayed at the end of the conversation, and during the prayer asked that I not see things that were not there. In a conversation later in the year, he expressed sympathy for the “hell” the Brentwood church was going through. I also offered to meet with individuals from Clearview Baptist, but they did not take me up on my offer.

On one hand, I felt glad to speak to someone who seemed to at least partially understand and care. On the other hand, I felt like I had these spiritual “concerns” imposed on me for even pursuing evaluations and treatment for my son.  From what I have read, this type of response is common in church settings. It is not a sin to evaluate a child for harm upon learning a child’s teacher was convicted of a sexual offense. It is not a sin to consult authorities or to seek legal advice. When a parent learns of horrific revelations that might impact their child, it is a very sensitive time. Those in spiritual authority need to be aware of how their statements and behavior can promote healing or impede treatment and cause harm.

Although the alleged sexual abuse happened in a local non denominational church, the Franklin SBC church’s children’s minister and the Brentwood church’s children’s ministry know each other and have served in ministry work together, specifically on adoption and foster care initiatives. In addition, while the Franklin SBC church was reviewing their child protection protocol, the children’s minister told me(over the phone) that he was consulting with the Brentwood church where our family alleged sexual assault. I am sharing this as there are not always distinct lines between the churches and denominations. The churches are autonomous, but my perception is that the community is pretty open, supportive, and collegial with other local bodies, which I believe is a good thing. 

I am glad that staff at Clearview took efforts to review and update both their child protection and financial integrity protocol. However, the church I have been in where abuses took place appear to have taken a liability reduction orientation versus a values based orientation with respect to abuses. What I mean by this is that actions taken have been to reduce financial loss. Much of this is good for those served by the church, especially on the prevention side. On the back end, when allegations of abuses have been brought to light, it also can result in horrific treatment of the alleged victims or whistleblowers, as these type of individuals can represent liabilities.   

I would encourage the SBC to expand the study to include other abuses of power such as spiritual, financial, and domestic abuses. There are similarities which breed all of these abuses, and they are all damaging. Not only this, but financial exploitation of the disabled or elderly is also a reportable offense in many states similar to child abuse and neglect. When I think of the church being the body of Christ, I believe that as the body we should be a reflection of Jesus. When the church fails to render aid to the abused, further harms those who have been abused, or leaves the burden of seeking out the wounded on the already wounded, she is not reflecting Jesus in her conduct.   

If you have any questions, feel free to ask. Again, I appreciate your willingness to listen.

Sincerely,

(Jane)

 

Jared Wellman <Jared@tatesprings.com>

Wed, Mar 27, 7:34 AM

to pastor@meridianbaptist.com, me

(Jane),

First, please forgive me for the delay in my response. After my tweet I received a full inbox of emails, and it has taken me a while to read and respond to each one. Thank you for your patience with me.

Second, as a parent of a 5 yo, 3 yo, and 7 month old, I empathize with your email, and your sentence about the revelation of a child molester watching your kid gave me a sick feeling in my stomach. I can only imagine the anguish of that moment.

I also appreciated the nuances of your email, sharing how churches can themselves be groomed. This is a tragic story all around, and for what it’s worth, I am so sorry you experienced it.

Know there are a group of individuals who are working to do our best to protect the SBC’s most vulnerable members. Please don’t hesitate to reach out if there is anything else you need.

Jared
(Jane)

Fri, Sep 21, 2018, 6:28 AM

to studygroup

I have been sharing my family’s story on twitter and through a blog https://janespeaksup.com/. I live in Brentwood, TN, and family members have been victims in two church misconduct situations. I would like to meet with individuals from the ERLC sexual abuse study group and share my family’s stories and share the impact it has had on us. In addition, I have been in the Middle TN area since 1999, and have heard or have been in close proximity to other concerning situations in SBC and other evangelical circles. I am concerned that the priority within our community is the protection of religious institutions sometimes at the expense of the vulnerable. The most significant case is our family’s situation at (church name), and the documented abuse of my son there. Besides this, I have recently been in conversation with Rep. Casada’s office and have met with individuals from an organization called AWAKE TN regarding my desired legislative advocacy on behalf of the vulnerable in TN.

If you have any questions, feel free to ask.

Sincerely,

(Jane)

ERLC Study Group <studygroup@erlc.com>

Thu, Oct 11, 2018, 3:31 PM

to me

 Thank you very much, (Jane). We have received your email, and on behalf of the Sexual Abuse Advisory Study, we appreciate you taking the time to write to us. We are grieved by the abuse your family members endured. Thank you for being willing to share with us. We have made a note of your family’s situation, and as the study continues and develops further, we will keep you in mind. Thank you for your initiation and willingness to engage.

 

Response from Phillip Bethancourt

Phillip Bethancourt 

Jun 27, 2019, 8:00 AM

to me

(Jane),

Somehow your email slipped through the digital cracks right before the convention, and I just came across it as I’m preparing to go “off the grid” for the next two weeks on vacation with my family (in fact, we’ll be with my mother-in-law who you met). I really appreciate you reaching out about these matters, and I look forward to crossing paths with you in the Franklin area in the future.

Thanks,

Phillip